I too like to live dangerously.

Christian Louboutin, the perfector of the sexed up shoe, has been quoted as saying “I would hate for someone to look at my shoe and say, ‘Oh my God! That looks so comfortable!’ That’s not what I want to project. But I’m not a sadist. I don’t believe suffering makes you beautiful. But comfort is not part of my creative process.”  Only the beginning and end of that quote are true statements. Not only is he a sadist (try a pair on and you’ll know) and the women who love his creations do indeed suffer for beauty (Morphine anyone?), but they will also happily fork over their rent money to do so. Now I’d like to ask, who in their right mind would ever look at a pair of Louboutins (see photo right) and mistake them for Easy Spirits? It’s so far removed from the realm of possibility it’s like asking Sarah Palin to string together a coherent sentence. Or Kanye to rescue kittens and help little old ladies cross the street. Or Guidos from the Jersey Shore to forgo tanning and hair gel. Unfathomable.

Louboutin may not want you to be comfortable in your 4″ stilettos, but I do. In a previous post (“AMAZON GIRL: DID SOMEONE SAY THE C-WORD?“), I referenced the shoe graveyard existing in every woman’s home. Well, I’m about to show you how to eliminate it all together. If you’ve ever used shoe inserts, you know that they don’t do much to prevent foot pain. While they seem like a good idea, cushioning doesn’t get at the root of the problem. Enter Insolia, a small, clear plastic insert designed to shift weight from the ball of the foot to the heel and improve alignment while wearing heels. Insolia was invented by world-renowned podiatrist Dr. Howard Dananberg and an MIT rocket scientist. Dananberg learned that for women, walking in high heels was much like walking downhill. Weight was shifted to the ball of the foot, as if the wearer were standing on a ramp. This can cause all sorts of problems, including bunions, hammer toes, knee and back pain. Dananberg realized that if he could find a way to shift the weight, giving some of it back to the heel to create a more even distributed-pressure relationship, high heels might begin to feel like flat shoes.

Insolia Inserts - a heel's best friend

Here’s where I let on to my inner geek and tell you the part I find fascinating. Using F-Scan technology to map pressure points exerted by the foot at various heel heights, he was able to create a flexible insole that would put the foot in optimal position. The construction, called a “cup and bump” by the inventor, cups the heel and increases contact area throughout the sole so that high heels suddenly feel about half as high as what the wearer is actually wearing. God I love it when science, technology and fashion come together to form a happy, polygamous union!

The makers promise you can wear your heels 3-4 times longer. Guess what? They work! Finally a product that does what it claims. I was skeptical, but when I wore stilettos I had previously been able to wear for only 15 min to a friend’s wedding for 5 hrs, I was converted. My feet only became sore after 4 hrs, which is more than I could ask of any pair of heels. I only wish the adhesive was stronger because the pointy end of the insert has a tendency to pop up, but it doesn’t affect the performance as far as I can tell, so I can live with it.

This is easily the best purchase I’ve made all year. I may have gone a little over board because I bought over 20 pairs of the inserts. What can I say? I had visions of grandeur – me being fabulous in my Louboutins at the grocery store, “What these 4.5 inchers? Oh they’re practically running shoes dahhhling!” Seriously, they’ve given me back some gorgeous shoes sitting idle in my closet that I was worried I was going to have to get rid of. It’s like Toy Story but with shoes!

A few points worth mentioning – Insolia works best on shoes with 1.5 inch heel height or more, and they may not be as effective for people with high arches since they are “natural heel wearers.” One final bit of advice: Insolia Inserts can make a Good Shoe Great, they can’t make a bad shoe good.  If the shoe doesn’t fit, or is poorly made, Insolia are probably not going to fix the problem. Insolia Inserts make a great stocking stuffer. Happy stiletto wearing!

Sorry I had to.

I write this to you as I suffer from THE COLD THAT WILL NOT DIE, which has me feeling my head is about to explode grey matter all over my fuzzy bunny slippers, which of course is going to make today’s post that much more ornery. It doesn’t help that Whitney Houston is staring at me from the cover of next month’s InStyle with an octopus on her head. That puts me in a very bad place because it reminds me that many of my 80’s and 90’s idols are suffering from a fate worse than death – the embarrassing comeback. If only they would remain in oblivion whence The Bangles came from, living on in our cherished memories of that cluelessly blissful-big-haired time. New Kids on the Block, Paula Abdul, George Michael, Whitney Houston and Antonio Sabato Jr I’m talkin’ to you! They should be doing what any self-respecting washed up celebrity would do – go quietly into that good night (i.e. hooking on the street to support their raging drug habit). But no they have to be camera whores and inform us what Grade A dirt bags they are. To be fair, it can’t be easy for poor Whit knowing she will never top The Bodyguard, but then she has the leftover royalties she didn’t blow on whack crack and rehab to comfort her, which is more than I can say for me and my bunny slippers.

But I didn’t come to you today to talk about busted 80’s stars (speaking of have you seen Kelly LeBrock lately???). My beef today is with the fashion industry. Right around the time the recession hit, a slew of wacky fashions hit the market. I’m all for the ridiculous as the sublime, but I just can’t get behind these looks. Witness the load-in-my harem pant, the perma-wedgie jumpsuit, the football-shoulder-padded blazer, and the bizarre S&M footwear, all styled within an inch of their lives to get you the recalcitrant consumer to loosen the purse strings. Beyonce and Rihanna notwithstanding, I’m going to call a spade a spade and say the coveted pointy shouldered Balmain jacket is ugly as sin and makes 00 models look like linebackers, and that really is a sin (all that vomiting for naught!).  The theory I’m putting forth is that designers didn’t want to waste their good designs at a time when no one would buy them, so they saw this as an opportunity to bring all the reject designs from seasons past that landed on the cutting room floor to life (ha ha joke’s on you if you have Prada mohawk shoes sitting in your closet). See fashion can be quite tricky. You must have the ability to judge um ugly stuff.

But that’s not what’s eating at me either because there are always some sensible and inspired designers to rely on. Now I am a professional shopper whose more than done her part to support the economy. I know quality and I’ll pay for it. So after tirelessly culling through all the nonsense out there, imagine my surprise when I find many of my purchases are white washed tombs. I’ve been bamboozled, led astray, run amuck! Items which looked so shiny and pretty in the store are falling apart after three, two or even one (gentle) use. Before you’re even over your shopping high, you’re catch is in tatters. What makes the problem so insidious is that it is becoming more difficult to discern manufacturers have cut corners, which tells me they’re getting better at it (how would you know a well established jewelry designer didn’t use strong enough glue to hold the stones in place?) and that is especially true when you’re buying things over the Internet. You’ll say, “That’s what reviews are for, duh.” Just a minute Sherlock. I’ve also come to discover that some web retailers actively prevent negative reviews (even ones that conform to their nebulous rules) from appearing on their sites, and they don’t even have to tell you why. Shock! Horror! All very shady business if you ask me.

Many reviewers/bloggers state that they don’t want to waste time talking about stuff that sucks because it’s more helpful to readers to talk about stuff that rocks (what goes unsaid is who wants to jeopardize a possible sponsorship deal or free swag?). I used to see the sense in that (the sticking to the good stuff part, not the shortchanging readers bit), but I’ve been burned quite a lot recently. I have to imagine others have as well, and during these tough times, who wants to waste their money on beribboned crap? Without further adieu, here’s OP’S SHIT LIST. Feel free to add to it in the comments.

• Diane von Furstenberg – $225 silk blouse – large rip along seam after first wear. Don’t ask me how this happened. I couldn’t be more gentle on my stuff if I was a mummy.
• Kenneth Jay Lane – $150 crystal ring purchased from Saks- 5-6 stones fell out within 3 days (never banged or dropped). I actually liked this ring so much I bought it again (this time from QVC) thinking the first one was a fluke. Hey if this brand was good enough for Jackie O who was I to question? Same thing happened, except this time it arrived with some of the stones missing and then preceded to lose more every day.
• QVC – offending e-tailer that sold me the junk Kenneth Jay Lane ring the second time around and then refused to publish a reasonable review describing my experience arrogantly stating they are not obliged to furnish a reason. It’s not like they even got the benefit of a full-on scathing OP review. This was OP-light on Prozac in comparison. I find this the most despicable practice of all – pretending to provide informative reviews to help your consumers make sound purchasing decisions when you are really just stacking the deck. They might let a few less than glowing reviews slip in just so it all seems kosher, but don’t be fooled.
• Any Saks Fifth Avenue Brand Jewelry – I’ve purchased many and let’s just say I have jewelry I’ve purchased from NYC street vendors with better staying power.
• RJ Graziano – $75 multi-strand faux pearl necklace – one strand snapped after 1 hr of wear.
• Citizens of Humanity – $220 skinny jeans – it pains me to write this because I love me some Citizens – super comfortable and great fit (my husband on the other hand is overjoyed since he thinks skinnies are God’s joke on womankind…the word sausage is flung about quite a bit) . However these got a large hole in an unmentionable area after half a dozen wears. Yes, they fit me properly…humph.
• Banana Republic – $98 wide leg jeans – so it’s not like I’m doing cartwheels in my jeans, but these had the same problem as the Citizens except the fraying was extensive (the hem completely fell apart for one). And these were wide leg jeans so you can’t say it was my big arse that split the skinny jeans! Slowly back away from the ledge…
• Ann Klein – $50 leather belt – incredibly it snapped in half during the first wear! One minute I’m standing talking to a friend, the next I’ve come undone. All I could do was gape. I couldn’t be more in awe if someone took a proton gun, aimed it at me, fired and the belt dissolved before me. It actually took me a few minutes to register that a brand new belt actually crumbled on me. On closer inspection, my “genuine leather” belt has only a thin layer of leather on the outside and asbetos (I don’t know some fiberboard-type material) inside, all held together (or not) with cheap glue. Where they hidin’ the good stuff? Is there some kind of run up on Super Glue I’m not aware of? I bet it has to do with the price of corn.

Maybe I’m just unbelievably unlucky (see aforementioned mutant cold), but I think there are too many incidences to be a coincidence. Obviously, these are only my experiences and I’m sure these brands have made some great items that have made millions of people happy, myself included. My only point is, and this is fact, many companies have cut corners to the extent that they are manufacturing products as cheaply as they possibly can. Don’t assume that just because it’s a luxury brand and expensive that it is quality and will last. It’s up to you to be vigilant about your purchases (save all those receipts and make a stink with the retailer or manufacturer if you have to) or maybe lay low on the shopping scene altogether. Wow I must not be well.

Every women possesses a shoe graveyard – the unfortunate that didn’t make it because sadistic designers think it’s cute to torture women or have zero knowledge of anatomy and physics. Requiscat in Pace ill begotten ones. No wonder then I’ve developed a secret obsession over the years with finding high heels that are both stylish and the dreaded “C” word: COMFORTABLE. Admittedly, it’s an extraordinarily counter-productive quest. But I’ve been reduced to tears and bloody stumps too many times to to know that once you’ve been burned by a pair of shoes, they become relegated to the farthest corner of your closet to assuage your guilt at having made such an asinine fashion decision. Does any one else beat themselves up with this thought, “If only I had walked around in the damn things a few more minutes while in the store!”? As if that would solve anything. Everyone knows:

PLUSH STORE CARPETING + SHOPPING INDUCED ADRENALINE RUSH = POOR FOOTWEAR CHOICE

When shoe shopping, I sometimes harbor the secret desire to run out on to the rough and tumble streets to see what they really feel like. Is that nuts? I think stores need to revolutionize the shoe shopping experience. How about they start by putting different types of terrain for you to walk on, like cobblestone, grass, subway grates and concrete littered with turds so you can check the shoe’s sudden braking and turning radius abilities. This serves a tri-fold purpose: Designers will be forced to create shoes that perform, retailers will drastically cut down on returns, and the consumer goes home with the perfect footwear (we’ll conveniently ignore the fact that the shoes might get a little beat up).

Finally, on to my new favorite discovery (sometimes it’s fun to make you work a little to find my gems). I’ve long been a fan of Kenneth Cole shoes for their modern looks and comfortable fits, so when I was perusing the store recently I was not let down. Check these babies out:

Kenneth Cole Reaction "Stud Dare"

That’s 4″ of goodness. I love the woven design and the leather’s butter soft quality. Best of all, these wedges will make you look like an Amazon while still managing to feel good on your feet. They’re super comfy due to the extra cushioning. And they’re under 100 bucks. Think of all the money you’ll save on taxis! You can wear them into the fall too by pairing them with tights. My husband will be so relieved he won’t have to bail me out of the city jail any time soon for running out of a shoe store.

A Pants Revolution

You may have never heard of Khaki Diaper Butt (KDB), but you’ve definitely seen it. You know when a guy’s pants hang too low in the back and it looks like they’re carrying a load? That’s KDB and it’s rampant. I’ve always felt sorry for guys because they’ve never had many sartorial options. Enter a pair of clever entrepreneurs who heeded their calling in life: To create great fitting pants for men. It’s about friggin time is all I have to say.

The key to Bonobos’s great fit is in the curved waist band which eliminates bunching. The pants fit athletic builds while still managing to look stylish. I’m also digging their smart tie belts (see left photo). The trousers have a bit of a flare on the bottom which balances out a larger top half. The fabrics are ultra-soft and high end. A nice touch are the little flashes of fun lining peaking out through the pockets. I can appreciate when such thoughtfulness is put into a garment. In fact, I’ve purchased several pairs for my family and they’re all hooked, metrosexuals and manly men alike. Let it not be said that OP only looks out for the ladies.

Free shipping for exchanges caters to the way we all like to shop online. Best of all they have a great return policy: you can return the product at any time for any reason, even if you’ve washed and hemmed them, no questions asked. It doesn’t get any better than that. So transform your men’s closets ladies and grab some Bonobos! You’ll thank me when you see their onion butts in them…when you’re done crying that is.

P.S. While we’re at it, guys quit hemming your pants so short! At the very least they should hit the top of your heel. Excessive shortening results in a truncated leg line, i.e. you on the whole look shorter and squatter. I know there’s this whole complicated issue of where your pants break, but a good tailor should know how to make it shorter in the front to address the break issue while keeping it longer in the back. I’d much rather not see your socks. Frankly, I find it vaguely unsettling.